Results of an improvised social experiment that taught me more about communication than 20 years of craft.
By Nico Ferrario
CEO & Founder
Nico@talk2u.org
👉 Spanish
[There are two ways to read this article. The first is from beginning to end. The second is to go directly to the Results section and imagine what the experiment is about as you read the conclusions. I think that more or less in the second paragraph you will be able to decipher it with some precision. My recommendation: No recommendation.]
FROM BEGINNING…
Five o’clock in the afternoon on a typical Thursday in Buenos Aires. I am alone in the office with all the doors and windows open to let the air circulate, when the little bell in my email alerts me that I have a video call scheduled with two Brazilian biologists, scientists, climate change specialists who are part of Amazon on fire (a new project). Those are usually great meetings, where I learn and make a huge effort not to say anything stupid. Happy with the plan ahead, I prepared some mate and entered the meeting.
We have known each other for several months and although we do not have a friendly relationship, the bond with both of them is very good. Every meeting usually starts with a little relaxed chat, trying to find out a little more about each other’s lives. But this time it was different. The second wave of COVID was hitting hard in Brazil, mainly in the north, and one of them, who had just come from visiting his mother in the hospital, could not contain his pain and broke down in such a deep cry that it was difficult to continue with the agenda.
Before saying goodbye, and with the commitment to talk again the next day about the pending issues, he tells me: “Sorry for all this, and thanks for asking.” Asking? I thought to myself. To be honest, all I had said was, “How’s it going over there?” and nothing more. My intention was nowhere near as intimate a quest as everything he ended up externalizing. Mind you, I loved what happened, and it made me feel great. And it made him feel great too. But I never thought that simple question would generate such an emotional revolution. Emotions are welcome.
Although my passport says Argentinian, a large part of my life is in Brazil. Friends, family and colleagues I work with on a daily basis live in Brazil. Among them is Camilo, Digital Communication Specialist de Unicef BR who, from making so many video calls, ended up introducing me to his entire family. His two sons, for example, say hello when they pass by the zoom screen and from time to time we exchange a few words. For them I am ¨O tío que fala espanhol¨ (the guy who speaks Spanish) and lives in Buenos Aires. But the truth is that, beyond the occasional face-to-face encounter when we met in the city, my relationship with Camilo has always been limited to work-related matters.
After the emotional shock I had experienced in the last meeting of the day, and a little distressed by the pandemic situation in Brazil, I thought I could go a step further in our working relationship and I sent a 100% personal message to Camilo. It was already late at night in the office and without thinking too much, while I put the computer in my backpack, I grabbed my cell phone and recorded an audio that said something like: “Today we talked a lot during the day about other issues, but I did not ask you how everything was going with the second wave of COVID. How are you? How is your family? How are your parents?” and after sending it I did the same with another colleague who lives in the north and her mother is a nurse. I remembered that she had said she was worried about her mother, since she was a person at risk and had to go to work every day to the hospital. That should have her a bit distressed, so I recorded a message, sent it to her, and without waiting for a quick response, I shut everything down and went home to rest.
Happy with the results of those two messages I decided to send another two, this time to friends who live in Spain. “How is everything there? How is your family? How are your folks doing? And you, tell me how are you doing with the pandemic?” And after receiving their answers -both very grateful and happy to receive my audio- I sent another two messages. One of those to my sister who lives far away and although we talk frequently, it had been a long time since I had asked her how she was feeling. And the answer didn’t take long to arrive. So I sent two more messages, and then two more. And two more. And two more, and so on, and so on until today with 50 messages sent in 33 days.
RESULTS
While the most interesting part is related to the unique content of each of those messages, I share some curious data that can help us understand the impact of a simple WhatsApp message.
Of the 50 initial messages I sent, 84% responded.
Only 8 people said nothing. But 2 of those 8 never received the message, I know this because WhatsApp alerts you.
Another important fact is that 4 of those 8 people who did not respond are strangers, numbers that I randomly put in my cell phone and sent them a message asking how they felt, clarifying that I did not know them, but that I was interested in knowing if they were okay.
Of the 50 messages I sent, 15 were to unknown numbers from five different countries (30% of the total). So of the 15 unknown people I asked how they were, how they were feeling, 11 responded (73% of the unknown people responded). 😁
76% of all respondents (84%) asked me how I was doing, how I was feeling. I answered them all, and 89% answered me back, thus engaging in a four-way back and forth. A dialogue.
With 54% of those with whom I had a dialogue of at least 4 messages exchanged, I exceeded 10 exchanges (five back and five forth).
With all of these the topic of conversation changed after message 4, exploring other topics such as ¨life¨, ¨series¨, ¨gastronomy¨, ¨reading¨ and ¨work¨ or ¨family¨, mainly children.
I received a total of 63 minutes of audios (in response to my first message). Not all responses were audio. Approximately 30% responded to me with text messages. And some only with emojis 👍 💙 🙌.
Of the 42 people who responded, 3 of them I clearly noticed had been moved or sensitized to the point of tears.
19% of the respondents told me about a close family member who had lost their life during COVID (father, mother, father-in-law, father-in-law, cousin, uncle).
I could not calculate it exactly, but I would venture to say that 90% of the respondents talked about death (either directly or indirectly). “Vaccines” and “government” were two words that were repeated a lot.
FINAL THOUGHTS
I know that we could analyze the words that were used, the vibration of the voice, the speed at which they responded and thousands of other things that are possible to analyze in samples like these, but I don’t think it’s necessary. Not for me at least. Although I ended up turning it into an experiment, I did it because I found it very surprising, and it helped me to see very clearly the power of empathy, even at a distance, by chat and even with a stranger.
The experiment is over but the messages continue. Every day I send at least 1 message to someone (known or not) asking how they are feeling, how they are doing.
A couple of days ago I met Zulma, from Tucuman, 74 years old. Today she sent me a picture with her grandson Hector. He took the picture. Zulma is in the hallway of her house, behind the video of the entrance door. Hector, from the sidewalk, lowers his chinstrap a little to show his smile. “Do you have children?” Zulma asks me. “Are you married?”
… TO END.
